The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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