We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
