if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
