I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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