The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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