i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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