do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
