Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
