dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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