i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
