the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
