3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
