it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
