I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
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How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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