i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
