hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
