And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
