Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize