Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she peed on how many people?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
