No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
