you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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