i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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