I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
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I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
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Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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