I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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