He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
