I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
