why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
