The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She just used a chaser for red wine.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
