every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
