Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
