Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
