We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
