I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
