My hand turned me down
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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