I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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