he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
