Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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