Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
