oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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