he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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