This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
