i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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