I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
