we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
