She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
