I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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