Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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