I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
