this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
