She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
