i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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