Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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