cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
