im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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