Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
