evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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