Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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