So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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