oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
