I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
