I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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