so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
