I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
