I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
