The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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