I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have fence marks all over my body
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
