Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
