So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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