Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
