I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
