I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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