apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
