it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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