Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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