Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
