Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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