I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
