We're facebook friends in real life
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
