And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
